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I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this
year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some
goodies for me to leave under your tree on Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from "The Twelve Days of
Christmas" but we had a little problem up here:
The twelve fiddlers fiddling have all come down with V.D. from
fiddling with the ten ladies dancing, the eleven lordsa leaping have knocked
up the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing have been
arrested for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming and the six
geese a laying. Four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and
the partridge in a pair tree have me up to my ass in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and those
dumb asspollacks have scheduled the Christmas in Poland for the 7th of
Febuary.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Love,
Santa